Love.......Again

Screaming in pain,
I lay on the barren land
Wounds inflicted upon my head
My heart and hands
Screaming in vain,
I lay under the scorching sun
Nobody came, Nobody came

It was then i swore
Never to love again
Never to give my heart away
Never inflict myself with pain
Those words i engraved upon my heart
and my heart began to say:
Nobody enter, Nobody enter

But then out of the shadows
There came one so fair
This one was different
If she were not mine, my heart would tear

At the memory of her deep brown eyes
my pen bleeds on this white sheet
I took a sip of that beautiful smile
I never knew venom would taste so sweet

I fought, Oh how hard I fought
I did not want to fall in love
Didn't want to wear a crown of thorns
After being blessed by the Holy Dove

I tried to outrun love
I tried to run away
I tried to jump the great abyss
But miserably did I fail

This world is spinning around me
Her beautiful face is all I can see,
Her beautiful voice is all I can hear,
And upon my cheek falls one happy tear

I dont know if this will last
Or if ever she'll be mine
I dont even know if I deserve
This Godess, this creature Divine

All I know now is love
And peace enveloping me
Even if she is never mine,
She'll always be a part of me

Happy Birthday

He hates parties
Especially the birthday variety
They make him feel the opposite
Of what they should.
He sees the cake, the happy family
The perfect home,
The smiles, the presents
All reminding him he has none

A bitter world
A bitter, cruel world
Full of venom, full of emptiness
The faces laugh at him mockingly
Their laughter muffled when they see him
Their faces stop when they see him
He doesnt want their pity
He doesnt want their crippled sympathy

Everytime they laugh he thinks
Of a time his world sounded like theirs
Full of laughter, full of fun
Now however, only emptimess, only pain
Memories die, echoes fade and he's dragged back to reality
Looking around, familiar sounds, without the warmth he craves
Strange how laughter looks like crying with no sound
He leaves, hating parties even more

Rage Redux

Blurred images, hazed vision
Searing heat rips open my head
Azure dreams that breed division
All the time, I'm seeing red

Dying swans, twisted wings
Beauty not needed here
I feel like I am seeing things
And sold my soul to fear

Black hot fire, street desire
Rips the bones from my flesh
Like a ird inside a twisted spire
I feel like I'm fighting barbed mesh

Why am I meant to face this alone
Asking the question time and again
For my sins I have to atone
But dont judge me after I repent

From Raindrops to a Rainbow

Sitting at my window, I watch the rain fall
Admiring the beauty, my senses enthralled
Raindrops touch my skin, I try to wipe them in vain
Raindrops taste just like tears without the pain

The rain so gentle, calm, docile
It can never harm - never be vile
Spreading across a lush green field
It falls from its dark water vapourous shield

All of a sudden, the skies further darken
I sit bewildered, my cheeks now starkened
Lightening flashes and thunder shouts loud
Frey unleashing his fury all around

Maybe the rain has a message after all
There is the rise, and then there is the fall
Life and the rain are similar in construction
With every birth hand in hand with destruction

I stoped to muse about the point of it all
Why does one live, and go through it all
The answer came to me, in one bended blow
I looked and lo behold! - I saw A Rainbow

The answers to life and its mystery
Lie not at the end, but in the journey
So finally, my friends, my love, my all
Like the rain we must live, and like it, we must fall

A Change Of Seasons

If you think this is inspired by Dream Theater, well you're right... I was reading the lyrics of the song Change of Seasons by them and man it's amazing. Very few American bands have meaningful lyrics and this is definitely one of them...So here it is:

A Change Of Seasons

I remember a time
My frail, virgin mind
watched the crimson sunrise
Imagined what it might find
Life was filled with wonder
I felt the warm wind blow
I must explore the boundaries
Transcend the depth of winter's snow
Innocence caressing me
I never felt so young before
There was so much life in me
Still I longed to search for more
But those days are gone now
Changed like a leaf on a tree
Blown away forever
into the cool autumn breeze
The snow has now fallen
and my sun's not so bright
I struggle to hold on
with the last of my might
In my den of inequity
viciousness and subtlety
struggle to ease the pain
struggle to find the sane
Ignorance surrounding me
I've never been so filled with fear
All my life's been drained from me
The end is drawing near....

'Carpe diem, seize the day'

I'll always remember
The chill of November
The news of the fall
The sounds in the hall
The clock on the wall ticking away
'Seize the Day'
I heard him say
Life will not always be this way
Look around
Hear the sounds
Cherish your life while you're still around

"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying;
And this same flower that smiles today,
Tomorrow will be dying."

We can learn from the past
But those days are gone
We can hope for the future
But there may not be one
The words stuck in my mind
alive from what I've learned
I have to seize the day
To home I returned
Preparing for her flight
I held with all my might
Fearing my deepest fright
She walked into the night
She turned for one last look
She looked me in the eye
I said, 'I Love You...Good-bye'

"It's the most awful thing you'll
ever hear."
"If you're lying to me..."
"Oh, you dearly love her."
"...just have to leave... all our lives."
"Seize the day!"
"Something happened.
"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may."
"She was killed."

So far or so it seems
All is lost with nothing fulfilled
Off the pages and a T.V. screen
Another world where nothing's true
Tripping through the life fantastic
Lose a step and never get up
Left alone with a cold blank stare
I feel like giving up
I was blinded by a paradise
Utopia high in the sky
A dream that only drowned me
Deep in sorrow, wondering why
Oh come let us adore him
Abuse and then ignore him
No matter what, don't let him be
Let's feed upon his misery
Then string him up for all the world to see
I'm sick of all you hypocrites
holding me at bay
And I don't need your sympathy
to get me through the day
Seasons change and so can I
Hold on Boy, No time to cry
Untie these strings, I'm climbing down
I won't let them push me away
Oh come let us adore him
Abuse and then ignore him
No matter what, don't let him be
Let's feed upon his misery
Now it's time for them to deal with me

I'm much wiser now
A lifetime of memories
run through my head
They taught me how
for better or worse, alive or dead
I realize there's no turning back
Life goes on the offbeaten track

I sit down with my son
Set to see the Crimson Sunset
(Gather ye rosebuds while ye may)
Many years have come and gone
I've lived my life, but now must move on
(Gather ye rosebuds while ye may)
He is my only one
Now that my time has come
Now that my life is done
We look into the sun
'Seize the day and don't you cry,
Now it's time to say good-bye
Even though I'll be gone,
I will live on, live on.'


What a song!!!!! Kudos to Mike Portnoy. he's the drummer of the band and he wrote the lyrics for the song....

Pain

Here I stand all alone
Have my mind turned to stone
Have my heart filled up with ice
To avoid Its breaking twice

Thanks to you, my dear old friend
But you can't help. This is the end
Of a tale that wasn't right
I won't have no sleep tonight

It's alright, we'll stay friends
Trusting In my confidence
And Iets say it's just alright
You wont sleep alone tonight

With my heart, with my soul
Some guys cry you bought and sold
They've been strong, young and bold
And they say, play this song again

In my heart, in my soul
I really hate to pay this toll
Should be strong, young and bold
But the only thing I feel is pain

Rage

I've given everything
With nothing in return
I'm filled with images
That play on every word
No-one to tell me
There's a cloud before my eyes
Not only broken,
I don't know the reason why

This endless sea of tears
The feeling that I'll drown
I'd try to catch them
But they're sure to touch the ground
My world of emptiness
A child without a toy
Forgiving anything
Restore me to my joy


I really dunno where that one came from...i'm just angry i guess.. hehe

Rudra and the Tandava

Lord Shiva has this knack of inspiring awe in most people and thats what He does to me every time I think of Him. He with his matted locks, blazing third eye and fierce temper reminds me that good too has power.In Indian mythology,Lord Shiva is considered as the supreme lord of dance. This divine art form is performed by Lord Shiva & his wife Goddess Parvathi. The Dance performd by Lord Shiva is known as Tandava, which depicts his violent nature as the distructor of the universe. The tandava performed with joy is called Ananda Tandava and performed in violent mood is called Rudra Tandava. There are 7 types of Tandava. Namely Ananda Tandava, Tripura Tandava, Sandhya Tandava, Samara Tandava, Kaali tandava, Uma Tandava and Gauri Tandava. There are few people who believa that there are 16 types of Tandava. Tandava has vigourous, brisk movements.The dance performed by Goddess Parvathi is known as Lasya, in which the movements are gentle, graceful and sometimes erotic also. Some scholars call Lasya as the feminine version of Tandava. Lasya has 2 kinds. Jarita Lasya and Yauvaka Lasya.

My main focus this time is on the Rudra Tandava. To me, the Rudra Tandava is the absolute embodiment of love. The dance is performed by Rudra carrying in his arms his lifeless wife Sati. The Rudra Tandava is the dance of destruction. It was performed then by the dread Lord, in my opinion, as a statement as if to say that a world not having his wife in it does not deserve to exist. That is love. To be precise, that is the channeling of anger into love. This, I must confess, is my ultimate goal in life - to infuse anger into everyday emotion and, at the same time, control it. It might sound weird to most people, but to those who understand what I'm trying to say, you should be feeling a warm glow inside you right about now.

Shiva is Kala, 'The Black One' 'Time'; but he is also Maha Kala, 'Great Time', 'Eternity'. As Nataraja, King of Dancers, his gestures, wild and full of grace, precipitate the cosmic illusion; his flying arms and legs and the swaying of his torso produce – indeed, they are – the continuous creation-destruction of the universe, death exactly balancing birth, annihilation the end of every coming-forth. The choreography is the whirligig of time. History and its ruins, the explosion of suns, are flashes from the tireless swinging sequence of the gestures. In the medieval bronze figurines, not merely a single phase or movement, but cyclic rhythm, flowing on and non in the unstayable, irreversible round of the Mahayugas, or Great Eons, is marked by the beating and stamping of the Master's heel. But the face remains, meanwhile, in sovereign calm. Shiva is the personification of the Absolute, particularly in its dissolution of the universe. He is the embodiment of Super-Death. He is called Yamantaka – 'The Ender of the Tamer' , He who conquers and exterminates Yama the God of Death, the Tamer. Shiva is Maha-Kala, Great Time, Eternity, the swallower of Time, swallower of Ages and cycles of ages. Shiva is apparently, thus, two opposite things, archetypal ascetic, and archetypal dancer. On one hand , he is Total Tranquility – inward calm absorbed in itself, absorbed in the void of the Absolute, where all distintions merge and dissolve, and all tensions are at rest. But on the other hand, he is Total Activity – life's energy, frantic, aimless, and playful and sometimes, ANGRY as hell.

I've always been fascinated by the enigma that is Shiva. Though He is a God, He is probably the most human god of them all. He is the outcast one, the black sheep, sometimes called the God of Marijuana. Ridiculed by others for the majority of His existence, the Supreme Yogi takes it in His stride and continues His dance - the dance of creation; the dance of destruction - for creation and destruction are inseperable entities. And during the course of His dance He also helps those who come to Him requesting for help. Case in point is the story behind His name Neelakantha. Anyone who has ever been hurt by anyone else can identify with the Cosmic Dancer. His dance is testimony to his spirit - unyielding, resilient, arrogant, yet benevolent. I would like to end this with a simple incantation praising the name of He Who Walks Amongst Ashes. Om Namah Shivayah. May His spirit be with you.

The Healing

He stood riveted, shocked and still
With the wind whipping behind him.
The biting stench of regret and hate
The only company beside him.

Regret looked at him laughingly
While hate stood contra benign.
And they both mocked and prodded him
In a cruel pantomime.

His eyes were faint, he began to ebb;
His strength was failing him.
His heart could not bear the pain
His company was causing him.

Then out of nowhere he saw
From the corner of his eye,
She was walking slowly toward him
And he heaved a relieved sigh.

She had come! She had come at last,
To heal and set him free.
She was the one who could pull him away
From all the cosmic debris.

They fused and became as one,
And his company was her alone.
All the pain and hate and regret
Became as good as unknown.

He loved her and she loved him back;
To each other alone they cleaved.
From now on and forever more
He was completely healed.

Rambling while following the Alchemist

I read The Alchemist today - for probably the 100th time. its a brilliant book. while reading that book, i found myself. most people i know who've read the book say that its too dry for their liking. well, different strokes for different folks. Paulo Coelho came up with a winner - a magical fable about following your dream - and i am here to encourage people to do exactly that.

to have a dream is a great thing. dreams are the very stuff we are made of. the dreams we have reflect our deepest longings and desires. they create in us the will to succeed. the trick is to not let your dream turn into a nighmare. for that to happen, well, we have to use our minds.

everyday life is evidence of the power of the human mind. human beings, by virtue of being human beings, are endowed with a powerful thing called the mind. most people mistake displays of this power for coincidence. when you think of someone and the person calls, its not just by chance that he/she called. its because we are all connected at a very subconscious level. to quote john travolta in phenomenon, "we're all made of the same stuff - energy". and its from that energy that our minds derive their power.

everything we want in life happens twice, or atleast it should. the first time is in our minds, when we actually visualise what the actual result of our wants would be, and the second time is in reality. the difference between wanting something and actually achieving that want is purely desire. you just have to want it so damn bad that it consumes your very being. it could be anything - from a new bike, to admission at IIM-A, to whatever else. but there lies the problem.


with the dream comes the fear of failure. fear of people laughing at us when we fail. the problem is with the fact that most people are too scared to dream and when they cross that hurdle, their demon becomes doubt. faith is among the many things that binds us. it gives us reason to be. most people dream, and then say, "thats never gonna happen". its that kind of thought pattern that causes failure. when you do anything, you must believe in what it is that you are doing. the entire world might be against you, but if YOU believe, then its absolutely fine.

we live in a cynical, hypocritical world. that is a sad, but true fact of life. and try as you might, you can never please the masses. the best we can do is to please ourselves, and the select few who we know will stand by us. so dream, follow your dream, and have a ball achieving your dream. May the force be with you all........

Startup

Hello all... this is my first blog entry ever, so kindly forgive anything which could be deemed unfit.... Since i fancy myself as a bit of a poet, i would like to begin my blogging journey with a poem i wrote a long time ago, for a friend of mine.....so here goes nothing....

Her Dilemma

All her fears slowly came
Creeping up behind her.
She was scared that they would all
Rush up on her and find her.

She lived in the comfortable
Warmth of her abstract.
She did not want him to invade
Her heart's forbidden tract.

Her dilemma was not at all
About what she had to do.
Her dilemma was all about
What she was not to do.

She denied her true feelings
Thinking them to be untrue.
Her mind and her emotions
Swirled like some strange brew.

Her silence he accepted,
But it was what he could not bear.
He thought she felt the same way,
His heart her stillness did tear.

What could have been was not
And what should not have been was.
The result of her dilemma was that
She knew what she had lost.

so there... that was Her Dilemma. its a bit juvenile, but hey...its my first time...and it was written a long time ago...Now, some credit is to be given where it is due....

Meghna, thanks for everything....u know what u did... for those who dont know meghna, pay no attention...its better u don't...