tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-117747232024-03-23T10:53:59.402-07:00Learning To LiveWhen anger envelops, when pain engulfs, when sadness suffocates...... basically when everything comes crashing down, CREATIVITY WILL RISENaveen George Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11444221549219671251noreply@blogger.comBlogger64125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11774723.post-32845296520947092632010-04-22T04:25:00.000-07:002010-04-22T04:28:09.530-07:00Requiem for a Friend long lostWhen I needed you, you were there. Heck, you were there even when I didn't. I loved having you around. I loved being in your presence, basking in the warmth of you...of us. There was virtually nothing we couldn't accomplish...or so I thought. The fact is, I was insufferable. I had too many things going on in my life; too many choices too close together; and more importantly, too much to prove - and not in a good way. I know you might never understand this, but I did.<br /><br />When people reach crossroads in life, they choose what they see as fit for themselves. They might extend that choice to include people on their priority lists. Sometimes, that list isn't filled right. I wanted to please the wrong people at the wrong time. I guess that's what we couldn't overcome - my need to be liked. My need to be universally liked. And this is the irony of life - not only wasn't I universally liked, but that stupid need cost me you. You and I were no longer us.<br /><br />As time passed after we parted ways, we still kept floating in and out of each others' lives in varying capacities of acquaintance. But it was never the same was it? We weren't friends anymore. We were competitors of sorts at this point. We were out to prove to each other that we were better off without each other. We both went at it, didn't we? Like children in a mudfight. And then, everything ended.<br /><br />You know it's a funny thing. No matter how intense the feeling; how seething the anger; how deep the sorrow; it all goes away given enough time. And that's what happened to us. We moved on with our lives. We moved into other lives. We were hurt again.We moved on again, and time, as always, ticked every tock and carried us forward. And so we remained, unwilling to make a connection. I tried. You know I tried. Alas, to no avail.<br /><br />In the recent past, I have found myself changing. I have digged and seen parts of me that I prided in the past, but disgust me now. I cannot believe that I was the person who did and said those things - especially to you. Truth be told, I wish I were half the man then that I am now. And the irony is that even if I were, I cannot take back or change anything. I have accepted that. What I cannot bring myself to accept is that we are not friends. We can be.<br /><br />Delve within, and you will see what I said is true. It does not matter what we did in the past. it does not matter who's fault it is. I know as well as you do the parts we both played in the fiasco of us. I am nobody to say anything about right or wrong. It would suffice to say that we both did what we thought was right at the time. I don't expect this to make anything right. If you see this, and I hope you do, all I want you to understand is that I wish you well, hope you get everything that is good and pure in this life, and feel nothing but a deep love for you. There is nothing I wish to change. Que Sera, Sera.<br /><br />Love always,<br />NNaveen George Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11444221549219671251noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11774723.post-7129253393836057852010-02-09T10:17:00.000-08:002010-02-09T10:41:30.924-08:00<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px; ">If I had but an hour of love</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px; ">If that be all that is given me</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px; ">An hour of love upon this earth,<br />I would give my love to thee</span></div>Naveen George Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11444221549219671251noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11774723.post-75037321030793499742009-11-28T23:28:00.000-08:002009-11-28T23:30:27.978-08:00"I Will Follow You Into The Dark"<span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family: times new roman;">This is a song by Death Cab for Cutie. Lovely lyrics. Read on</span><br /><br /></span><span style="font-family: times new roman;font-family:Verdana;font-size:100%;" >Love of mine some day you will die<br />But I'll be close behind<br />I'll follow you into the dark<br /><br />No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white<br />Just our hands clasped so tight<br />Waiting for the hint of a spark<br />If Heaven and Hell decide<br />That they both are satisfied<br />Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs<br /><br />If there's no one beside you<br />When your soul embarks<br />Then I'll follow you into the dark<br /><br />In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule<br />I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black<br />And I held my tongue as she told me<br />"Son fear is the heart of love"<br />So I never went back<br /><br />If Heaven and Hell decide<br />That they both are satisfied<br />Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs<br /><br />If there's no one beside you<br />When your soul embarks<br />Then I'll follow you into the dark<br /><br />You and me have seen everything to see<br />From Bangkok to Calgary<br />And the soles of your shoes are all worn down<br />The time for sleep is now<br />It's nothing to cry about<br />'cause we'll hold each other soon<br />In the blackest of rooms<br /><br />If Heaven and Hell decide<br />That they both are satisfied<br />Illuminate the No's on their vacancy signs<br /><br />If there's no one beside you<br />When your soul embarks<br />Then I'll follow you into the dark<br />Then I'll follow you into the dark</span>Naveen George Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11444221549219671251noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11774723.post-17994249141991212882009-07-23T21:01:00.000-07:002009-07-23T21:09:08.307-07:00EntwinedWhen you held my hand<br />Our souls reached out<br />The stars threw spears<br />The tides refused to fall<br /><br />I was your ace, you said<br />Tucked away in your sleeve<br />To be played at the right time<br />I lay in wait, alone, in vain<br /><br />Days, weeks, months, years<br />All passed hidden in your sleeve<br />One day, along came a spider<br />The rain did not wash him away<br /><br />Today I am left with nothing<br />Nothing but a memory<br />A memory of ten fingers<br />Entwined forever, in a hopeless wishNaveen George Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11444221549219671251noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11774723.post-69650681276070087172009-07-08T11:28:00.000-07:002009-07-08T11:32:18.608-07:00Behind Blue EyesListened to this song after a long long time. Beautiful, moving song. Read on.<br /><br /><br />No one knows what it's like<br />To be the bad man<br />To be the sad man<br />Behind blue eyes<br />And no one knows<br />What it's like to be hated<br />To be fated to telling only lies<br /><br /><i>[Chorus:]</i><br />But my dreams they aren't as empty<br />As my conscience seems to be<br />I have hours, only lonely<br />My love is vengeance<br />That's never free<br /><br />No one knows what its like<br />To feel these feelings<br />Like i do, and i blame you!<br />No one bites back as hard<br />On their anger<br />None of my pain and woe<br />Can show through<br /><br /><i>[Chorus]</i><br /><br />No one knows what its like<br />To be mistreated, to be defeated<br />Behind blue eyes<br />No one knows how to say<br />That they're sorry and don't worry<br />I'm not telling lies<br /><br /><i>[Chorus]</i><br /><br />No one knows what its like<br />To be the bad man, to be the sad man<br />Behind blue eyes.Naveen George Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11444221549219671251noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11774723.post-66670218585795145512009-05-16T12:48:00.000-07:002009-06-19T12:20:43.226-07:00And Fear Strikes AgainWelcome back Fear, my old friend<br />How I missed your pitiful company<br />I yearned for the times we locked our eyes<br />And partook of the pain that lay beneath<br /><br />How I longed for the skies to darken<br />For acid rain to scar my skin<br />The purging of my mediocrity<br />Only possible when you come knocking<br /><br />I crave the time when I was a stranger to you<br />When your ghastly tentacles hadn't gripped my soul<br />And damaged it forever; leaving it in shreds<br />Bleeding and stripped of all its pulchritude<br /><br />I lie helpless, naked and cold<br />As the wind strikes my flesh, again and again<br />I lie hapless, naked and cold<br />Bearing you, Fear, a gift from my progenitorNaveen George Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11444221549219671251noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11774723.post-73269623322848231142009-05-16T12:06:00.000-07:002009-05-16T12:46:27.876-07:00A series of disjointed nonsensical limericksThere once lived a young boy<br />In whose life there was no joy<br />After much bawling<br />He found his calling<br />And dedicated his life to farming soy<br /><br />There once lived a little jerk<br />Who fancied himself a turk<br />His opinions were too racial<br />Like a leper giving a facial<br />They just would never work<br /><br />And on their travels they found<br />The Earth really was bloody round<br />They stood on the steeple<br />And watched all the people<br />And they dared not make a sound<br /><br />They befriended a fiddler of yore<br />Who really was quite a bore<br />She was tarred and feathered<br />It left her oh so weathered<br />It became the stuff of lore<br /><br />They traveled together as a trio<br />Arguing Kafka and singing Dio<br />The fiddler fancied the jerk<br />And the boy made it work<br />And they shortened her name to Cleo<br /><br />And now we come to the end<br />Your ears to me did you lend<br />The trio lived happy<br />The jerk became a pappy<br />Even the boy found a girl to befriend<br />__________________________________________________________________<br /><br />My apologies. The words just took shape. It was them damn aliens that made me do it.<br /><br />NNaveen George Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11444221549219671251noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11774723.post-45279772912725969382009-03-19T07:44:00.000-07:002009-03-19T07:46:39.593-07:00The Sunlight In Her HairShe sits in her corner, quiet, beautiful<br />Swathed in pink past compare<br />Singing to herself softly, sweetly<br />With the sunlight in her hair<br /><br />She twirls in play a handful of locks<br />Her song lifted by her stare<br />Flashes of shapely feet I see<br />With the sunlight in her hair<br /><br />Her song wavers a little bit<br />The notes quiver in the air<br />I rush forward to hold her<br />And the sunlight in her hair<br /><br />Her song was a eulogy<br />Pure beauty, not simple fare<br />I kiss away the tears that shine<br />Like the sunlight in her hair<br /><br />I place her feet on my lap<br />And caress the skin so fair<br />I stroke her face and try to catch<br />The sunlight in her hair<br /><br />It doesn’t stay, the elusive sun<br />The skies are a red so rare<br />I ask the girl if she will be mine<br />And the sunlight in her hairNaveen George Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11444221549219671251noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11774723.post-43764978966070777952009-03-14T15:24:00.000-07:002009-03-16T10:54:30.699-07:00Ecclesiastic RantUnique we are, all of us<br />The paradox of our time<br />The void of life nudges us on<br />Everything is meaningless<br /><br />We die from when we are<br />Ash to ash, dust to dust<br />The abyss of time engulfs us<br />Everything is meaningless<br /><br />Life is built up into Ambrosia<br />In its pursuit we trudge on<br />Once there, "Now what?"<br />Everything is meaningless<br /><br />Choosing our paths as we go<br />We seek profit and gain<br />Nothing is ever enough is it?<br />Everything is meaningless<br /><br />What is real is here and now<br />But we want what could have been<br />The graven images of our past<br />Everything is meaningless<br /><br />Time, distance, space, fate<br />Our excuses pointing to hope<br />A dionysian fantasy, this<br />Everything is meaningless<br /><br />Toothless grins, lopsided stares<br />As we journey from legs to shoulders<br />The grave does not discriminate<br />Everything is meaningless<br /><br />The meanings we seek from life<br />Lie on the way, not at the end<br />For after all, when you think of it,<br />Everything is meaninglessNaveen George Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11444221549219671251noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11774723.post-68495576869780550482009-02-24T13:02:00.000-08:002009-02-24T13:22:51.152-08:00This, as you would probably have guessed by now, is my way of venting, ruminating and generally contemplating. So here goes.<br /><br />1. I'm becoming a huge fan and practitioner of the Madurai dialect of Tamil. Enna Landha?<br /><br />2. Life now has no particular direction. I need to focus on something soon.<br /><br />3. My temper also needs to be fixed. It's not that I'm always angry, but I'm always simmering. And that is the first sign of a sociopath.<br /><br />4. I'm bursting with ideas for so many things. Somehow having difficulty choosing and expressing them.<br /><br />5. I am in love. And that's all I'll say.<br /><br />6. I'm hoping and praying that the project I'm involved with takes off successfully. It will change my life forever, and give me peace. This, I'm sure of. Insha Allah.<br /><br />7. I thought my emotions had frozen. Apparently they have not :P<br /><br />8. I want a tattoo. Three tattoos actually. On my left arm, the sloka, "Yadha Yadha Hi dharmasya.......Sambhavami Yuge Yuge" in Sanskrit. On my right arm, "Anbe Sivam, Azhage Sivam, Arive Sivam" in Tamil and at the base of my neck, "Asatho Maa Sad Gamaya, Thamaso Maa Jyothir Gamaya, Mrithyor Maa Amritham Gamaya" in Sanskrit.<br /><br />9. I have to lose some weight. I've been putting it off for too long. That shall be fixed first.<br /><br />10. I never thought I'd say this, but I really miss my team at Citi. I really do. Each and every one of those 15.<br /><br />Thats all for now. Rant over, post overNaveen George Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11444221549219671251noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11774723.post-38407300923826738822009-02-17T10:58:00.000-08:002009-02-17T12:53:01.481-08:00From HellShe stands across the street, laughing and talking<br />Her wares on display for everyone to see<br />The wine on her breath repels a few potentials<br />Someone mutters at her, "Domine dirige nos"<br /><br />On this side of the street a man looks intently<br />Watching her as she invites and lures<br />With a crooked smile, he walks up to her<br />He whispers in her ear, and she bashfully grins<br /><br />In the darkness of an alley not far away<br />Two were in the throes of passion - it seemed<br />She sees his pupils dilate, smells the laudanum<br />Before she can think, she feels the blade<br /><br />In near darkness, we can hear metal slice flesh<br />We can hear his heartbeat, steady as a rock<br />As our vision clears, he stands and looks down<br />Down at his handiwork, at the art he has wrought<br /><br />A splash of blood, a swirl of intestine<br />Blood spurts from the slash at her throat<br />Subcutaneous fat stains his perfect manicure<br />In his hands he holds her sweetbreads<br /><br />Below the skin of history are London's veins<br />His rituals course with energy and meaning<br />He laughs at a private joke and thinks to himself,<br />"I have given birth to the 20th century"Naveen George Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11444221549219671251noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11774723.post-91713060291133426082009-01-13T03:15:00.000-08:002009-01-15T01:38:29.114-08:00Aham BrahmashmiStanding at the banks of the Ganga<br />He surveys his grim surroundings<br />He catches sight of what he needs<br />The dopamine tickles his Aghori blood<br /><br />Still as death he remains<br />As he wades into the Ganges<br />Immerses himself in her holy waters<br />And returns, carrying a corpse<br /><br />He answers the call of the Wild Divine<br />The gravedwelling Lord, deity of ganja<br />He embraces the filth and decay<br />Knowing that it, too was beautiful<br /><br />Deep in the forest, a fire burns<br />His hands play with a bone chillum<br />As he empties his cranial goblet<br />And takes his place as Bhairava<br /><br />He seats himself calmly, royally<br />Upon the chest of his prize<br />With an offering to a deity he invokes<br />He proceeds to consume the beautiful flesh<br /><br />It is over, the sacred ritual is done<br />Shava has at last become Shiva<br />He opens his eyes, red and fiery<br />Knowing the transcendence of his being<br /><br />Slowly, but surely, I walk upto him<br />The trance enveloping my soul<br />I approach slowly and ask, "What are you?"<br />He smiles and says, "Aham Brahmashmi"<br /><br />Om Namah ShivayahNaveen George Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11444221549219671251noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11774723.post-26687097704784175652009-01-08T02:41:00.000-08:002009-01-08T02:55:05.022-08:00What the F*&^?I was thinking. No, it isn't a new habit I've picked up, it's a disease I was born with. I was thinking about things that make me want to say What the fuck to. You know, things that leave you dumbfounded, and not in a good way. So I'm going to just jot 10 of them down. If you empathise, please add to the list. Community healing is good :D<br /><br />1. When a friend turns his/her back on you<br />2. When someone says you cut them off and then when you make the effort proceeds to do the same thing to you.<br />3. When you drive 50 kms in the dark on a bike with no headlights to make sure a friend is ok, and it is forgotten like it never happened.<br />4. When your parents just dont understand that the corporate life isn't for you<br />5. When you say the words "I love you" but you know you dont mean them.<br />6. When you go to school prepared for Geography but its actually History<br />7. When something as cheap and crude as money comes between to lives, tearing them apart.<br />8. When you do something stupid under the influence of alcohol. I know people like to act like they never have, but fuck you. You have. Maybe you hid it well, or you got lucky and nobody saw.<br />9. When you're sitting in the dark, just randomly thinking and some thoughts that you have buried, especially about a certain someone/something that you want to forget come zipping back and sting you.<br />10. When you see an 88 year old person take a lifetime prepaid connection :P<br /><br />Cheers<br />NNaveen George Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11444221549219671251noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11774723.post-54837772943232275052009-01-02T10:41:00.000-08:002009-01-02T10:53:30.751-08:002008 was a whirlwind. It began badly, got worse, then got better, stayed better and then went down a few notches. Last year, I thought things couldn't get worse. And then, Life proceeded to show me that I couldn't possibly have been more wrong. Ah well, c'est la vie I guess. But today something happened that gave me a lot of perspective and hope.<br /><br />Every now and then, something happens that really blows your mind away. You do something that is completely unexpected. You call someone, expecting the cold shoulder. Instead, you receive warmth. You visit someone, expecting to be rebuffed. Instead, you are received with blessings.<br /><br />When you least expect it, life hands you a good hand. This year for example. Just two days down, and my cards have improved. Drastically. Here's to more good things to come.Naveen George Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11444221549219671251noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11774723.post-37633332996649644062008-12-25T23:13:00.000-08:002008-12-26T02:10:13.132-08:00Game TheoryGood day, everyone. I'm Professor N (no, not Nash), and I'm here to present to you a case study on Game Theory. This is a 3 person game, and by nature, it is zero sum. First things first, lets understand a couple of things: (definitions courtesy wiki. too lazy to type. copy paste rules)<br /><br />1. Game Theory - A branch of applied mathematics that attempts to mathematically capture behavior in <i>strategic situations</i>, in which an individual's success in making choices depends on the choices of others.<br /><br />2. Zero Sum Game - A situation in which a participant's gain or loss is exactly balanced by the losses or gains of the other participant(s). If the total gains of the participants are added up, and the total losses are subtracted, they will sum to zero.<br /><br />Yes so now you have what you need for the moment.<br /><br />Let us consider 3 participants in this game; X, Y and Z. It must be understood that X and Y are involved in a game of their own. Due to unavailability of data, I cannot tell you what the sum of their game is. It can be noted, however, that the unavailability of data can be attributed to the game under study.<br /><br />X and Y had a great deal of interaction between them, independent of each one's interaction with Z, with varying degrees (not of freedom). This, by nature poses the possibility of two separate games influencing the aforementioned two separate games, making in all, 4. This implies, ceteris paribus, that the degrees (yes, of freedom) must therefore be, 3. Since that has no reference to this case, we shall abandon these said degrees of freedom, spurning them as we would spurn a rabid dog.<br /><br />The existence of these separate games is of great significance. To understand, let us see the chain of events, starting, ever so obviously, from the beginning. X and Z also had a great deal of interaction between them, starting with the first time these two variables (read participants) came into contact on the same plane (Cartesian, to avoid confusion). However, since we know that the Butterfly Effect holds true in most cases, especially where it should not, certain small changes in the initial system involving X and Z caused their system to be non-robust, and hence, collapse. Although here, interestingly, what was affected was only the correlation and not the regression. Thus far, X and Z had been positively correlated. After and due to the system falling apart from the top, X and Z became negatively correlated. However, due to unavailability of data, and very honestly, fateful cockup, the regression equation never changed.<br /><br />This means that apart from their negative correlation, the two mentioned variables possess covariance, thereby rendering them not completely independent of each other. Now let us let this be, and examine X and Y.<br /><br />X and Y, as mentioned before, displayed characteristics of adhesion. The two variables were perfectly correlated. Again, fateful cockup and Edward Lorenz (through the butterfly effect) intervened, and their system lost credibility, though not robustness. The two variables remained suspended within the dynamics of their own cartesian plane. Interestingly and unexpectedly, Y wandered into the plane Z was on and interacted with said Z. Y and Z interacted mostly with decreasing degrees of freedom, since their plane merged and overlapped (merging and overlapping independently, of course) with the plane of X.<br /><br />As is common with most assumptions, they are proved wrong. X and Y assumed their independance, but not counting on their covariance proved to be the undoing. X and Y found their balance, and their system was restored, eliminating the errors of the previous state. Utimately, X and Y became so closely correlated that their correlation went beyond perfect. The net result of this was that the system Y and Z had been in fell apart completely.<br /><br />This leaves us with only two systems now, the debris of the aforementioned four. As can easily be seen, this is a zero sum game.<br /><br />Now you have seen the case. IF you see a problem, give me the solution. Man I love professorial work :DNaveen George Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11444221549219671251noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11774723.post-58469661758734190062008-12-13T13:53:00.000-08:002008-12-13T14:00:51.191-08:00Shards of rain break down<br />As He walks his blistery path<br />His soles cracked and jagged<br />He stops for a drink of water<br /><br />As he drinks, the water scars him<br />It leaves a line down his jugular<br />The scope of his defense leaves a mark<br />Ah, the blistering innocence<br /><br />The glasspiece coursing thorugh veins<br />Mark its destination with suffering<br />Its movement traces an outline<br />A sihlouette carved out of wood<br /><br />Motion if evanescent, ephemeral<br />The action outlives its intention<br />Movement embodies creation<br />And goes in hand with defeatNaveen George Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11444221549219671251noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11774723.post-39000720760122112942008-12-11T13:29:00.000-08:002011-04-21T02:42:40.066-07:00Neruda - Tonight I Can Write The Saddest Lines<span name="KonaFilter"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 100%; ">Tonight I can write the saddest lines.<br /><br />Write, for example,'The night is shattered<br />and the blue stars shiver in the distance.'<br /><br />The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.<br /><br />Tonight I can write the saddest lines.<br />I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.<br /><br />Through nights like this one I held her in my arms<br />I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.<br /><br />She loved me sometimes, and I loved her too.<br />How could one not have loved her great still eyes.<br /><br />Tonight I can write the saddest lines.<br />To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.<br /><br />To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.<br />And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.<br /><br />What does it matter that my love could not keep her.<br />The night is shattered and she is not with me.<br /><br />This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.<br />My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.<br /><br />My sight searches for her as though to go to her.<br />My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.<br /><br />The same night whitening the same trees.<br />We, of that time, are no longer the same.<br /><br />I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.<br />My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.<br /><br />Another's. She will be another's. Like my kisses before.<br />Her voide. Her bright body. Her inifinite eyes.<br /><br />I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.<br />Love is so short, forgetting is so long.<br /><br />Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms<br />my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.<br /><br />Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer<br />and these the last verses that I write for her......(for you)<br />______________________________________________<br /><br /><br />If ever somebody could paint pain, this is it. Neruda, I salute you. And you....yes, you....this is for you.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></span></span>Naveen George Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11444221549219671251noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11774723.post-46459767496012605502008-12-02T14:00:00.001-08:002008-12-02T14:02:31.101-08:00Gaiman on LoveI came across this a while back, and remembered it today. I dont hate love, but am avoiding it for precisely these reasons. Bright side is, the description of love is so beautifully true. Read it I say...<br /><br /><span class="sqq"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”<br /><br />Gaiman is the man<br /></span></span>Naveen George Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11444221549219671251noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11774723.post-70714911367549881502008-11-02T10:11:00.000-08:002008-11-03T12:03:31.356-08:00Vayu“Madame, bear in mind that princes govern all things--save the wind.” - Victor Hugo<br /><br />---<br /><br />She was young and beautiful, full of energy and true to her name. She was, in every way, the personification of wind. I say was, not is. “I am the wind”, she would say. And she was. She could not be tamed, like the element she was named after. She chose how she lived. She chose everything from her clothes to her mood. She was my everything. My Vayu. My sun rose and set in her. In her smile. In her eyes. At the end of a long, tiring day, all I needed to calm me down was 5 minutes on her lap. She chose everything. To my utter misfortune, she also chose when to die.<br /><br />Vayu used to play with the neighborhood kids after she came back from work. Her long hair tossing about as she ran and jumped with them, laughing and gurgling like a newborn. Her glasses would keep flying off her face every time she furiously shook her head while arguing with them. 6-7 year olds. She became as young as them, my Vayu. I could stand watching her for hours. She doesn’t know this, and now she never will. She and I used to meet at a Barista close to where she went to college. We used to meet almost everyday. Whenever I got late, I always told her I was delayed somewhere. Truth is, I would be standing at the petrol bunk outside Barista, out of sight, staring at her. Something about her just made me…stare. I think it was her hair. Yes, I’m sure it was. As I was saying, I would stare at her for at least 15 minutes before I walked in; and give her some lame reason as to why I was late. I still go to Barista. Nobody to even glance at, unfortunately.<br /><br />My Vayu had a terminal condition. Doctors gave her two months to live. Fighter that she was, she lasted 11. My Vayu was strong, make no mistake. I just wish she hadn’t made me that last promise. She held my hand and promised me she’d never let me go. That was the first time I broke down in front of her. My Vayu. She held my hand and said she’d always hold on that tight. I don’t blame her. She must’ve meant it at the time. Vayu never said things she didn’t mean. 3 days after she promised me, she died.<br /><br />My mother taught me that nature could never be forced into action. I realized the truth – the harsh bitter truth – of that statement when Vayu went away. It is true. The wind can never be tamed. She lived as she pleased; and truth be told, I couldn’t think of a circumstance where she would have died as she didn’t please. My Vayu would have it no other way. I now realize that I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination. And that destination is her. As I write these words, I sit with 56 sleeping tablets in my belly. The last year has been a constant struggle to exist. Nobody seems to understand my pain. They brush it aside as the melodrama of a man in bereavement. What they do not realize is that I without my Vayu was lost.<br /><br />Vayu did things to me nobody else ever could. She behaved with me as the wind does. She blew out my candles and fanned my fires. Even now I can hear her gurgling, joyous laughter. My world was Vayu, and now, at last, in death, she and I will be one. For as the great man said, “What is it to die, but to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?” I correct the prophet and say that I will melt into my Vayu. Sleep calls, and I shall never wake up. I’m coming, Vayu. Into your hands, I give up my spirit.<br />____________________________________________________________________<br /><br />This is my tribute to Old Love, which is a short story by Jeffrey Archer. It moved me so much that I had to write something very very close to my heart, and this is it.....Naveen George Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11444221549219671251noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11774723.post-20955829041309557322008-10-22T12:41:00.000-07:002009-07-12T00:44:49.745-07:00To the peopleI was thinking about people other than my immediate family who have made a difference in my life. To me. Feeling very sentimental and all, so decided to get it out of my system by writing it down, in no particular order. Figure out these people if you can :P Muhahahahaha<br /><br />1. To you, my best friend. You live in Mumbai now. We haven't been in continuous touch for over 5 years. Still, when we do catch up, its like I saw you yesterday. Like your name, you bring joy to my life, always.<br /><br />2. To you, who instilled in me the love for movies. You are The Boss, the embodiment of Superstar. I worship you, and hope to direct you some day.<br /><br />3. To you, who instilled in me a love for so many styles of music. You are the personification of music for me, and your gnaanam is unparalleled.<br /><br />4. To you, a friend I met online, but later became chuddy-buddies with. All the drinks, the philosophies and the Hallelujah's....Life might have turned out very differently if you weren't in it.<br /><br />5. To you, who taught me to love. And then to be a friend. You have made me a better person in many ways, and I love you.<br /><br />6. To you, who taught me to reduce my melodrama. Who tries to teach me to sing :) Some day, I will prove to be a good pupil. Love you bro<br /><br />7. To you, who has helped me unlock my creativity, and introduced me to the world of entertainment and Radio. Late night drives wont be the same without screaming at Parigi with you. Love you man<br /><br />8. To you, my Zephyr. You changed my life, my lifestyle, my everything. You defined me, at a point in time, and in many ways, your traces remain. I could go on, but I'll reserve that for another day. Just know it's you and in some way I will always love you.<br /><br />9. To you, my Sylvia Plath :P You have been a very unlikely friend, but I would have it no other way. Keep writing. I swear I will publish at least one of your books.<br /><br />10. To you, my brother in Illinois. You and I have had one of the weirdest yet most fulfilling friendships I've ever known. Love you brother.<br /><br />11. To you, my piloting friend. Who introduced me to the practicalities of life. I hope you get rid of all your puppy lowe and find true lowe :P :) :D<br /><br />12. To you, my Sakkarakatti. You saved my life. When the wind deserted me, you showed me what was worth living for. We might have had our own petty fights and all, but you've been a great friend. Lets show the world the movies we make. Lets rock this joint.<br /><br />13. To you, my Jumbonic friend :) You were there for me at a time when I needed sure footing. I love our work together, and dude, lets write that script man....<br /><br />14. To you all, my Loyola and IFMR friends. Yes, even you with the horrible iyer tamil. Thanks from the bottom of my heart for having come into my life in some form or the other. I am what I am today because of you guys too.<br /><br />15. To you, my darling who, dare i say, taught me about the philosophies of love.....May you forever be happy.<br /><br /><br />To all of you, I just want to say thanks. For everything. Since I believe in a God, I believe in his agents as well, and each and every one of you have been God's agents at some point in time or the other to me. You know who you are :)<br /><br />Phew....Now that thats done, good night.<br /><br />p.s: There are a few I've missed out....intentionally.....You will soon be acknowledged...... :)Naveen George Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11444221549219671251noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11774723.post-21921043635896514572008-10-01T15:34:00.000-07:002008-10-01T15:45:35.636-07:00Combined EffortThis is a dear friend and myself at an unearthly hour writing. We decided to leave it untitled as we "dont feel like we cna encompass it in a title. it shall be untitled"<br /><br />On the iris of infinity<br />The Jester stands weeping<br />Sundials pelt him<br />Reminding him of<br />His evanescence<br />He smiles through the chipping plaster of his mask<br />The red paint cracking, peeling<br />As he folds down upon the ground, quietly kneeling<br />The moon shone<br />Merciless<br />Laughing now, refusing to come<br />Covering the land in silver blood<br />Tauntingly calling him<br />"Moonchild"<br />He brought the stars, the planets, ethereal and nebulous<br />But no moon, the sliver sheen eluding his fingers<br />Slipping through his soul as liquid glass<br />He ripped off his mask<br />As he heard the mandrake scream<br />He saw the ecclesiastic<br />The meaningless<br />And as he gazed and gazed<br />His myriad demons<br />Festering in his cherubic veneer emerged<br />A ghastly, peerless, kafkaesque beautyNaveen George Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11444221549219671251noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11774723.post-60215271567272841752008-06-22T14:42:00.000-07:002008-06-29T01:41:04.721-07:00Eloi, Eloi.....Lama Sabachthani<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_3rXgyFijh1xSTT7J24E3JXnu35sTt_h9n98PvLPR1K7MvNZceZnjbFnKLMfrC4faePEa6_Ghh6rFeSFYfIexwolT60JJe9x13RoG_CZ3Vb2dpzMvHkU_vUPE95L2w8l795UZ/s1600-h/burningrose.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5214830772126937394" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; cursor: pointer; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_3rXgyFijh1xSTT7J24E3JXnu35sTt_h9n98PvLPR1K7MvNZceZnjbFnKLMfrC4faePEa6_Ghh6rFeSFYfIexwolT60JJe9x13RoG_CZ3Vb2dpzMvHkU_vUPE95L2w8l795UZ/s320/burningrose.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Wherefore art thou, my bird?<br />Thou didst call me to fly<br />When I could not, and<br />Mine wings were clipped<br /><br />Thou dost little realise<br />My path and yours are one<br />The stars doth shed tears<br />At our anguish and pangs<br /><br />Lucifer, as thou hurtled down<br />From thy seraphic abode<br />How didst thou feel?<br />Didth thou protest too much?<br /><br />Why doth Venus amerce me so?<br />What hath been my crime<br />But to speak as she so bade me?<br />The bitterns doth loom on high<br /><br />I claimeth not my innocence<br />Merely my right to the grail<br />Eloi Eloi, lama sabachthani<br />Thy woof doth destroy my tapestry<br /><br />Herald Cherubim, as thou doth hark<br />I resonate the lower notes of thine song<br />In A Minor, I exist<br />The chord of sadness in the raptureNaveen George Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11444221549219671251noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11774723.post-82419031521292705852008-04-28T13:27:00.000-07:002008-04-28T13:29:25.089-07:00Tears in the RainHe stood, motionless. His tears mixing with the rain as it fell, almost as if the heavens were sad for him. She had gotten into her car and left. For good. “I cant see you anymore, Shiva”, she had said. “We’ve got to cut our losses and move on.” She spoke in the language of business. He forgot how much he loved hearing her talk like that. Now all that remained was a deep sense of loss. Of hurt. Of resentment…… and he stood, too numb to think.<br /><br />He was a brave man. All his life he lived fearless and free. But now. Now he began questioning the roots of that feeling. He closed his eyes and remembered. Remembered the conversations. The dances. The kisses. He remembered how good it all had felt. And now this. He was a devout person. He always believed that the god he prayed to – the god that bore his name – would not let him down. Now he felt like an idiot for believing. He tried rationalizing. She and he were from radically different worlds. The worlds had clashed, somehow and she chose to cut and run. He couldn’t blame her. Nor could she blame him.<br /><br />But now, standing there in the rain, nothing mattered. She had gone, he was back to lonely, and life seemed to stand still. And he, like his tears, were lost in the rain.Naveen George Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11444221549219671251noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11774723.post-1721605805106638482008-04-04T12:41:00.000-07:002008-04-14T06:39:23.097-07:00The VisionaryIn a room of pure white<br />There was a corner of scarlet<br />Crimson shards of pulchritude<br />Dripping down from the body above<br />Creating an inferno in heaven<br /><br />Bathing in the red, he saw eternal light<br />The acidic taste arousing him<br />Lust is wild, coupled with blood<br />That tastes like souls dipped in wine<br />Ah, the intoxicating bliss of power<br /><br />He picks up his bag, looks around intently<br />Studying the whiteness of the proximity<br />Enough, he decides. Enough now<br />He had cleansed this place enough<br />He moves on, more cities await<br />__________________________________________________________<br />Figure this one out :) I write what I see. Don't hold that against me<br /><br />N<br /><span></span>Naveen George Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11444221549219671251noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11774723.post-41368662282282779232008-03-24T14:47:00.000-07:002008-03-24T14:51:42.003-07:00The ImageWe hold on to images<br />Dark and bright<br />Seemingly unreal<br />They tend to suffice<br /><br />They make up for what we dont have<br />They give us hope<br />Comfort<br />Peace<br /><br />Sometimes it is better<br />To let go of the images<br />Than tarnish them<br />With the soot that is reality<br /><br />A man and a woman<br />At the beach watching the sunrise<br />She lying on his lap<br />Their son on her stomach<br /><br />It's gone.Naveen George Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11444221549219671251noreply@blogger.com5