Ramblings Of A Weary Traveller

Prose after a long time, but I have a point to make.

It's true. Love is god. No, i do not mean the love a couple share. However, that too is incorporated in what I'm saying. Love - unconditional true Love, which is rare, IS God.

I am a rebel spritualist. I refuse to conform to the norms of any religion. I believe there is a God who watches over us. To a certain extent, I agree with the Hindu notion of a Jeevatma and a Paramatma which are two entities but are made up of the same essence. I believe God resides in each of us. We are born divine - Deities, each of us. We lose track of that along the way because we listen to the unenlightened.

We, in today's world have learnt how to make a living, but forgotten how to live. We justify the loss of others with our gain. How sad is that? We - at least some of the privileged ones - do not even stand in queue to visit the Gods we worship. We get "special darshan". We sin all we want, and then perform a few Pujas and give temples money in the fervent hope that God will forgive us and make everything right. Well, any God that functions like that is not God. That kind of entity is a coolie - a labourer who works because he is given money. Now answer me this - is this the kind of belief system we should build our society on? Do a kubera puja, you will be rich. perform a sumangali puja, your husband will live long. I mean, what the hell man......

Life goes way beyond material success, but we seem to have forgotten that. Like I said, we have learnt how to make a living, but forgotten how to live. There are more houses in the world today, but fewer families. We are so caught up in the concept of the "individual" that we forget the spark of divinity within us. It should manifest itself within us in the form of love. More often than not it does, but we tend to ignore it. This happens because the spiritual side of us needs nourishing, but we....well, we dont feed it. And please do not misunderstand. By saying spiritual I do not mean we pray and that feeds it. Prayer is futile without action. I will even go as far as saying do not pray, but compensate for that with action. In my opinion, the idol that cannot wipe the tears of the devotee praying before it is not worth praying to.

How many times have you cried for the death of a friend, even if he/she wasn't all that close to you? How many times have you sacrificed your lunch for a friend? How many times have you smiled in the full satisfaction that you have helped somebody else? Compare these numbers with the number of times you have chanted the mahamantra, or sung hymns and said hallelujah. If the latter is greater than the former, then quite frankly, it doesnt make a difference whether you are alive or not.

If you cannot make a difference to people's lives, what in God's name are you doing here? The secret to life is not how far you get, but how many people you help get along their journey. Travel further not just for yourself, but also to help more people. I know I'm sounding like an idealist, but i have been enlightened, and I have sworn an oath to myself that I am never going to be the same. The difference in me will not be in my salary, or my grades, or the number of friends I have. It will not be in how influential I am, how successful I am or how I have made it big in life by any parameter. It will simply be in how much use I am to others. I vow that I will make a difference to the lives of people. Maybe not a lot of people, but more than i make a difference to now anyway.

I have taken the first step towards being the God I was born as. Now you look within yourself - can you find the spark within you? Do you have the faith to embrace the powers you were born with? Look within, and maybe....just maybe you will see that the force is not with you, it is IN you.

The 4 Seasons - "Season" 4 - Fear

Standing at the edge of a cliff
About to take the plunge
Wondering if the future will
My past deeds expunge

I feel a tingling, a stir within
A completely new emotion
Hitherto I had not known fear
For which I was my own devotion

As I walked into that ominous room
My whole life before me
I realised this was not in my power
And that thought unnerved me

Twenty minutes, and they were done
Like a train they ran me over
I didnt see light at the end of my tunnel
For me there was No Leaf Clover

A little while later, I was informed
That I had filled the position
Floods of relief swept over me
To put me in sunny disposition

Only I will know the Fear I felt
The shudders and the recurring pangs
For Life is what happens to us
When we're busy making other plans

Fear is the essence of the Human Soul,
And some learn to hide it well
I saw that only if you care, you feel Fear
And that is Life, in a nutshell



I know this isnt as dark as the others, but what the hell, this is the only major fear I felt. Hopefully my writing skills haven't left me along with the darkness

Cheers

The 4 Seasons - "Season" 3 - Loneliness

He watches the sun burn down the west
And he lets his mind dwell on the past
His memory drifts back thousands of years
To a time where he thought it would all last

At that time, he thought he had it all
A wife, a son, a beautiful home
Work was aplenty and so was love
Now all lay scattered, shrouded and torn

How ironic that life was his curse
He was doomed to exist forever
Life after life he embodies and lives
Detesting his lonely endeavour

Alone he is, and alone he lives
Every relationship is fleeting
The sinews of his shadowy heart
Grow weary with every beating

Onward he moves, living his life
Emptiness gnawing at his soul
No way to end his cursed life
The bells of infinity take their toll

Loneliness is a cancer that grows witin
Eating into our flesh with relish
Fire and brimstone lack its wrath
Reducing us to the state of the hellish

The 4 Seasons - "Season" 2 - Envy

Green is the feral glow in his eyes
As He stalks his unwary prey
With the stealth of a cat He moves
He will take what she has today

His body tingles at the mere thought
Of what he will possess after
He craves the periphery of her form
At the vision, He supresses His laughter

He stops her, requesting for help
"My arm is broken", He says
Unsuspecting, the young girl obliges
Oh what a price, she pays

A sickening thud pierces the night
She falls down, blank
A quadruped silently watches her body
As He drags it into His van

It is finished, the job is done
He is wearing that which He craved
Next morning, another Skin He sees
Arouses His desire depraved

We covet what we see everyday
Green desire within us will burn
Envy rips us right to the bone
Our very sanity it doth govern

The 4 Seasons - "Season" 1 - Anger

It starts slowly, deep within
From the very depths of the soul
The twisted sinews of a heart wounded
Unhealing scars that take their toll

Blades flashing, the oppresors ravag'd
As he stood helplessly watching
The behemoths smiled with blood-stained teeth
As he felt in his veins the boiling

He shudders at the memory
Of the pain, blood and gore
A blood-curling vengeance takes shape in his mind
He will leave them tattered and torn

He feels not the pool of blood
In which he was left to die
A grim smile spreads over his lips
At the knowledge that he will survive

Strange how Anger gives us strength
In times when all goes wrong
'Tis anger that lends the tune
And meaning to life's morbid song

The 4 Seasons

This is a short introductory passage to present to you all, "The 4 Seasons".....

I'm writing what I consider my Magnum Opus. Antonio Vivaldi wrote a series of concertos called The 4 Seasons, exploiting the violin to the extent humanly possible. I am writing a series with the same name, dealing with four emotions. Its a poetic tribute to Emotion in itself, but you know me, I write only dark stuff so my four seasons are nothing but 4 emotions which are Anger, Envy, Loneliness and Fear.

What I am doing is writing four separate poems, and therefore four separate stories which have these emotions linked to them. the last stanza of each poem will explain what role the emotion plays in the story, so to speak. The first one will be on my favourite emotion, Anger......From there, lets see where it goes.....

Cheers

Love.......Again

Screaming in pain,
I lay on the barren land
Wounds inflicted upon my head
My heart and hands
Screaming in vain,
I lay under the scorching sun
Nobody came, Nobody came

It was then i swore
Never to love again
Never to give my heart away
Never inflict myself with pain
Those words i engraved upon my heart
and my heart began to say:
Nobody enter, Nobody enter

But then out of the shadows
There came one so fair
This one was different
If she were not mine, my heart would tear

At the memory of her deep brown eyes
my pen bleeds on this white sheet
I took a sip of that beautiful smile
I never knew venom would taste so sweet

I fought, Oh how hard I fought
I did not want to fall in love
Didn't want to wear a crown of thorns
After being blessed by the Holy Dove

I tried to outrun love
I tried to run away
I tried to jump the great abyss
But miserably did I fail

This world is spinning around me
Her beautiful face is all I can see,
Her beautiful voice is all I can hear,
And upon my cheek falls one happy tear

I dont know if this will last
Or if ever she'll be mine
I dont even know if I deserve
This Godess, this creature Divine

All I know now is love
And peace enveloping me
Even if she is never mine,
She'll always be a part of me

Happy Birthday

He hates parties
Especially the birthday variety
They make him feel the opposite
Of what they should.
He sees the cake, the happy family
The perfect home,
The smiles, the presents
All reminding him he has none

A bitter world
A bitter, cruel world
Full of venom, full of emptiness
The faces laugh at him mockingly
Their laughter muffled when they see him
Their faces stop when they see him
He doesnt want their pity
He doesnt want their crippled sympathy

Everytime they laugh he thinks
Of a time his world sounded like theirs
Full of laughter, full of fun
Now however, only emptimess, only pain
Memories die, echoes fade and he's dragged back to reality
Looking around, familiar sounds, without the warmth he craves
Strange how laughter looks like crying with no sound
He leaves, hating parties even more

Rage Redux

Blurred images, hazed vision
Searing heat rips open my head
Azure dreams that breed division
All the time, I'm seeing red

Dying swans, twisted wings
Beauty not needed here
I feel like I am seeing things
And sold my soul to fear

Black hot fire, street desire
Rips the bones from my flesh
Like a ird inside a twisted spire
I feel like I'm fighting barbed mesh

Why am I meant to face this alone
Asking the question time and again
For my sins I have to atone
But dont judge me after I repent

From Raindrops to a Rainbow

Sitting at my window, I watch the rain fall
Admiring the beauty, my senses enthralled
Raindrops touch my skin, I try to wipe them in vain
Raindrops taste just like tears without the pain

The rain so gentle, calm, docile
It can never harm - never be vile
Spreading across a lush green field
It falls from its dark water vapourous shield

All of a sudden, the skies further darken
I sit bewildered, my cheeks now starkened
Lightening flashes and thunder shouts loud
Frey unleashing his fury all around

Maybe the rain has a message after all
There is the rise, and then there is the fall
Life and the rain are similar in construction
With every birth hand in hand with destruction

I stoped to muse about the point of it all
Why does one live, and go through it all
The answer came to me, in one bended blow
I looked and lo behold! - I saw A Rainbow

The answers to life and its mystery
Lie not at the end, but in the journey
So finally, my friends, my love, my all
Like the rain we must live, and like it, we must fall

A Change Of Seasons

If you think this is inspired by Dream Theater, well you're right... I was reading the lyrics of the song Change of Seasons by them and man it's amazing. Very few American bands have meaningful lyrics and this is definitely one of them...So here it is:

A Change Of Seasons

I remember a time
My frail, virgin mind
watched the crimson sunrise
Imagined what it might find
Life was filled with wonder
I felt the warm wind blow
I must explore the boundaries
Transcend the depth of winter's snow
Innocence caressing me
I never felt so young before
There was so much life in me
Still I longed to search for more
But those days are gone now
Changed like a leaf on a tree
Blown away forever
into the cool autumn breeze
The snow has now fallen
and my sun's not so bright
I struggle to hold on
with the last of my might
In my den of inequity
viciousness and subtlety
struggle to ease the pain
struggle to find the sane
Ignorance surrounding me
I've never been so filled with fear
All my life's been drained from me
The end is drawing near....

'Carpe diem, seize the day'

I'll always remember
The chill of November
The news of the fall
The sounds in the hall
The clock on the wall ticking away
'Seize the Day'
I heard him say
Life will not always be this way
Look around
Hear the sounds
Cherish your life while you're still around

"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying;
And this same flower that smiles today,
Tomorrow will be dying."

We can learn from the past
But those days are gone
We can hope for the future
But there may not be one
The words stuck in my mind
alive from what I've learned
I have to seize the day
To home I returned
Preparing for her flight
I held with all my might
Fearing my deepest fright
She walked into the night
She turned for one last look
She looked me in the eye
I said, 'I Love You...Good-bye'

"It's the most awful thing you'll
ever hear."
"If you're lying to me..."
"Oh, you dearly love her."
"...just have to leave... all our lives."
"Seize the day!"
"Something happened.
"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may."
"She was killed."

So far or so it seems
All is lost with nothing fulfilled
Off the pages and a T.V. screen
Another world where nothing's true
Tripping through the life fantastic
Lose a step and never get up
Left alone with a cold blank stare
I feel like giving up
I was blinded by a paradise
Utopia high in the sky
A dream that only drowned me
Deep in sorrow, wondering why
Oh come let us adore him
Abuse and then ignore him
No matter what, don't let him be
Let's feed upon his misery
Then string him up for all the world to see
I'm sick of all you hypocrites
holding me at bay
And I don't need your sympathy
to get me through the day
Seasons change and so can I
Hold on Boy, No time to cry
Untie these strings, I'm climbing down
I won't let them push me away
Oh come let us adore him
Abuse and then ignore him
No matter what, don't let him be
Let's feed upon his misery
Now it's time for them to deal with me

I'm much wiser now
A lifetime of memories
run through my head
They taught me how
for better or worse, alive or dead
I realize there's no turning back
Life goes on the offbeaten track

I sit down with my son
Set to see the Crimson Sunset
(Gather ye rosebuds while ye may)
Many years have come and gone
I've lived my life, but now must move on
(Gather ye rosebuds while ye may)
He is my only one
Now that my time has come
Now that my life is done
We look into the sun
'Seize the day and don't you cry,
Now it's time to say good-bye
Even though I'll be gone,
I will live on, live on.'


What a song!!!!! Kudos to Mike Portnoy. he's the drummer of the band and he wrote the lyrics for the song....

Pain

Here I stand all alone
Have my mind turned to stone
Have my heart filled up with ice
To avoid Its breaking twice

Thanks to you, my dear old friend
But you can't help. This is the end
Of a tale that wasn't right
I won't have no sleep tonight

It's alright, we'll stay friends
Trusting In my confidence
And Iets say it's just alright
You wont sleep alone tonight

With my heart, with my soul
Some guys cry you bought and sold
They've been strong, young and bold
And they say, play this song again

In my heart, in my soul
I really hate to pay this toll
Should be strong, young and bold
But the only thing I feel is pain

Rage

I've given everything
With nothing in return
I'm filled with images
That play on every word
No-one to tell me
There's a cloud before my eyes
Not only broken,
I don't know the reason why

This endless sea of tears
The feeling that I'll drown
I'd try to catch them
But they're sure to touch the ground
My world of emptiness
A child without a toy
Forgiving anything
Restore me to my joy


I really dunno where that one came from...i'm just angry i guess.. hehe