To the people

I was thinking about people other than my immediate family who have made a difference in my life. To me. Feeling very sentimental and all, so decided to get it out of my system by writing it down, in no particular order. Figure out these people if you can :P Muhahahahaha

1. To you, my best friend. You live in Mumbai now. We haven't been in continuous touch for over 5 years. Still, when we do catch up, its like I saw you yesterday. Like your name, you bring joy to my life, always.

2. To you, who instilled in me the love for movies. You are The Boss, the embodiment of Superstar. I worship you, and hope to direct you some day.

3. To you, who instilled in me a love for so many styles of music. You are the personification of music for me, and your gnaanam is unparalleled.

4. To you, a friend I met online, but later became chuddy-buddies with. All the drinks, the philosophies and the Hallelujah's....Life might have turned out very differently if you weren't in it.

5. To you, who taught me to love. And then to be a friend. You have made me a better person in many ways, and I love you.

6. To you, who taught me to reduce my melodrama. Who tries to teach me to sing :) Some day, I will prove to be a good pupil. Love you bro

7. To you, who has helped me unlock my creativity, and introduced me to the world of entertainment and Radio. Late night drives wont be the same without screaming at Parigi with you. Love you man

8. To you, my Zephyr. You changed my life, my lifestyle, my everything. You defined me, at a point in time, and in many ways, your traces remain. I could go on, but I'll reserve that for another day. Just know it's you and in some way I will always love you.

9. To you, my Sylvia Plath :P You have been a very unlikely friend, but I would have it no other way. Keep writing. I swear I will publish at least one of your books.

10. To you, my brother in Illinois. You and I have had one of the weirdest yet most fulfilling friendships I've ever known. Love you brother.

11. To you, my piloting friend. Who introduced me to the practicalities of life. I hope you get rid of all your puppy lowe and find true lowe :P :) :D

12. To you, my Sakkarakatti. You saved my life. When the wind deserted me, you showed me what was worth living for. We might have had our own petty fights and all, but you've been a great friend. Lets show the world the movies we make. Lets rock this joint.

13. To you, my Jumbonic friend :) You were there for me at a time when I needed sure footing. I love our work together, and dude, lets write that script man....

14. To you all, my Loyola and IFMR friends. Yes, even you with the horrible iyer tamil. Thanks from the bottom of my heart for having come into my life in some form or the other. I am what I am today because of you guys too.

15. To you, my darling who, dare i say, taught me about the philosophies of love.....May you forever be happy.


To all of you, I just want to say thanks. For everything. Since I believe in a God, I believe in his agents as well, and each and every one of you have been God's agents at some point in time or the other to me. You know who you are :)

Phew....Now that thats done, good night.

p.s: There are a few I've missed out....intentionally.....You will soon be acknowledged...... :)

Combined Effort

This is a dear friend and myself at an unearthly hour writing. We decided to leave it untitled as we "dont feel like we cna encompass it in a title. it shall be untitled"

On the iris of infinity
The Jester stands weeping
Sundials pelt him
Reminding him of
His evanescence
He smiles through the chipping plaster of his mask
The red paint cracking, peeling
As he folds down upon the ground, quietly kneeling
The moon shone
Merciless
Laughing now, refusing to come
Covering the land in silver blood
Tauntingly calling him
"Moonchild"
He brought the stars, the planets, ethereal and nebulous
But no moon, the sliver sheen eluding his fingers
Slipping through his soul as liquid glass
He ripped off his mask
As he heard the mandrake scream
He saw the ecclesiastic
The meaningless
And as he gazed and gazed
His myriad demons
Festering in his cherubic veneer emerged
A ghastly, peerless, kafkaesque beauty

Eloi, Eloi.....Lama Sabachthani

Wherefore art thou, my bird?
Thou didst call me to fly
When I could not, and
Mine wings were clipped

Thou dost little realise
My path and yours are one
The stars doth shed tears
At our anguish and pangs

Lucifer, as thou hurtled down
From thy seraphic abode
How didst thou feel?
Didth thou protest too much?

Why doth Venus amerce me so?
What hath been my crime
But to speak as she so bade me?
The bitterns doth loom on high

I claimeth not my innocence
Merely my right to the grail
Eloi Eloi, lama sabachthani
Thy woof doth destroy my tapestry

Herald Cherubim, as thou doth hark
I resonate the lower notes of thine song
In A Minor, I exist
The chord of sadness in the rapture

Tears in the Rain

He stood, motionless. His tears mixing with the rain as it fell, almost as if the heavens were sad for him. She had gotten into her car and left. For good. “I cant see you anymore, Shiva”, she had said. “We’ve got to cut our losses and move on.” She spoke in the language of business. He forgot how much he loved hearing her talk like that. Now all that remained was a deep sense of loss. Of hurt. Of resentment…… and he stood, too numb to think.

He was a brave man. All his life he lived fearless and free. But now. Now he began questioning the roots of that feeling. He closed his eyes and remembered. Remembered the conversations. The dances. The kisses. He remembered how good it all had felt. And now this. He was a devout person. He always believed that the god he prayed to – the god that bore his name – would not let him down. Now he felt like an idiot for believing. He tried rationalizing. She and he were from radically different worlds. The worlds had clashed, somehow and she chose to cut and run. He couldn’t blame her. Nor could she blame him.

But now, standing there in the rain, nothing mattered. She had gone, he was back to lonely, and life seemed to stand still. And he, like his tears, were lost in the rain.

The Visionary

In a room of pure white
There was a corner of scarlet
Crimson shards of pulchritude
Dripping down from the body above
Creating an inferno in heaven

Bathing in the red, he saw eternal light
The acidic taste arousing him
Lust is wild, coupled with blood
That tastes like souls dipped in wine
Ah, the intoxicating bliss of power

He picks up his bag, looks around intently
Studying the whiteness of the proximity
Enough, he decides. Enough now
He had cleansed this place enough
He moves on, more cities await
__________________________________________________________
Figure this one out :) I write what I see. Don't hold that against me

N

The Image

We hold on to images
Dark and bright
Seemingly unreal
They tend to suffice

They make up for what we dont have
They give us hope
Comfort
Peace

Sometimes it is better
To let go of the images
Than tarnish them
With the soot that is reality

A man and a woman
At the beach watching the sunrise
She lying on his lap
Their son on her stomach

It's gone.

Song of the Heart

I stand at the edge of the river. A Godess comes out of the water and stands just outside my reach. When I stretch my hands to touch, I find I cant reach her, because my hands are chained. The chains are barbed. So the more I struggle, the more I bleed. The more I bleed, the more it hurts and the more I want her comfort. And I strugle to reach her even further. Slash and cut go hand in hand. I can feel the blood. I crave her. I need her. As my heart keeps pumping blood, I pray that I can touch the Godess so my heart can finally sing its song. And then........

And then the chains fall off. The Godess runs away when she realises I can actually reach her. I look at her, running away into the distance, with a deep sadness in my heart, and pain at my arms. Particularly my wrists. And then.....

And then I turn around and see everyone who loves me, and cares for me. And it's a sizeable number. I see a friend who had loosened my chains. I see other friends bringing me bandages and first aid. I see my brother getting up from praying for me. I see my parents crying tears of joy that I'm alright. I see a statue of Lord Shiva that I had missed completely although It stood so close to me at that riverbank. My closest friends encircle me and group-hug me, telling me that everything will be alright. And suddenly, my heart begins to sing.......and it doesn't stop.

Thennaadudaya Sivane Pottri

N

The Guitar and the Glasses

This is something that I wrote on a piece of paper on Diwali day in 2007. I found it, and decided to put it up here. Read on.....

"The guitar. It's driving me mad. I look at it, and I remember the slender fingers that used to hold it. I look at it, and remember the tips of those fingers caressing my face. The guitar. It's all there. The wood, the finish, the strings, the frets. It's all there, but she isn't. The music from the guitar reminds me of times and songs I played for her. Even the music remains, but she's gone. In a vain attempt to numb the pain, I hug the guitar and go to sleep. It does not help. I wake up with a cut on my forehead, but not feeling the pain; as it is attenuated by the bleeding in my heart. And it's not just that guitar, or guitars in general. It's glasses. Every time I look at a pair of glasses I remember hers. I remember the time I broke it while we were together at a friend's place. I remember those lovely eyes that used to look through them to look at me. The eyes that shed tears that would stain the edges of those glasses, and flow down her cheeks, waiting for me to wipe them away. The tears that somehow called their kin from my eyes to fall with them. Guitars and glasses. They ruin me."

N

Dancing in her orb, she mocks me
Knowing that I dread to break the glass
The sight of her stuns me to silence
Suffering is my only respite

I feel like taking a drill and using it
My cranium craves air supply
Only then will her thoughts go away
Only then will there be silence

How long will you mock me, girl?
In your glass world, all seems well
There will come a time when my due is paid
Not in cash, or kind, or suffering

But with love

For that day
I wait
My heart
Forever belonging to you.

This is either one of my worst or one of my best. Deal with it.

N

Questions

I just have a few questions to ask. I'm asking them to myself, you, and the rest of the world.

1. Are laughter and happiness the same?
2. Is there ever a truly selfless act?
3. When things go bad, are you the type that cuts and runs or are you the type that has the balls to stand and work it out?
4. When will we ever learn what love is?
5. Why do the nice guys always finish last?
6. Why do some tears come irrespective of how long it has been since that which we are crying for came to pass?
7. Why do human beings have an innate need to control their surroundings?
8. If there really was a completely selfless act, is it worth performing it?
9. When we introspect, will we find that we are all fundamentally flawed, or will we find that we were fundamentally perfect, but lost our way somewhere in life?
10. Does love ever really come to an end?
11. Why do people take love so much for granted?
12. When we meet new friends, why do we tend to forget the old ones?
13. Is there any humanity left in the world?
14. Where is the rhyme in our reason?
15. Why is it so easy for us to advise, but so difficult to empathise?
16. Why is man the only animal that kills for reasons other than mate, food and territory?

When I think of the possible answers, I feel queasy. What is it exactly that separates us from our animal counterparts? Why are we considered the smartest animals on the planet? Shouldn't we have figured all this out by now?

Signing off in deep contemplation,
N

Hallelujah

This song is a song that makes me bawl my eyes out every time I listen to it. I dont know why it does that to me, but it does. One of my friends told me that if there is a way to paint pain, it would be with this song. I couldn't agree more. Read on:

I heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you dont really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you
To her kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Baby I have been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you.
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

There was a time you let me know
What's real and going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in you
The holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well really, what's it to you?
There's a blaze of light
In every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah

I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though
It all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

Try listening to the song. Either Leonard Cohen or Jeff Buckley. I can't type any more. Tearing up already.

N

Tandavam

They sat together, completely at peace
When she expressed her desire
Her father's sacrifice required her presence, She said
He would not go, because He was unwanted

Her father hated him, Dweller of graveyards
Did not share the love millions had for Him
And she had her father's temper
She too, was like Him - an untameable force

He told her not to go, forbade it completely
But she wouldn't listen
He told her if she left, she couldn't come back
Still, she went

Soon after, He heard of her gruesome fate
She had let the fire consume her
He did not know how to react, what to feel
Love, Anger, Hate, Remorse or Grief

He went and saw her body
Half mutilated, and still full of the beauty He adored
He carried her, and waves of emotion swept over Him
The sight of His corpse bride unleashed within Him a primeval rage

He began dancing, and Dance became Rage
Dance became Rage and Rage became Dance
His lifeless wife in His arms, He danced
Until the world began to fear

None could stop Him; stop the fury He unleashed
In His Rage, in His Grief, In His Love
He had told her; hadn't He told her?
He wished He had never forbidden her at all

His mind transcended levels hitherto unknown
Planes where Fear was nothing, and Rage, everything
He embodied Rage, consummating its marriage with Love
Dancing, feeling, destroying

Somehow, this feels complete.

Thennadudaya Sivane Pottri

Next Set

1. Some people have no clue what they want.
2. When I think of the way I was many years ago, I feel pukish at what I was a few months ago.
3. But now, I'm Back.
4. I have decided to defer my thriller for a while, and work on a commercial script.
5. I'm not so sure that so-called morals have helped me achieve anything I have in this life.
6. Porcupine Tree is a band that SoundScape must cover.
7. Of course, I miss her. But I also have my self respect, and will not tolerate its violation anymore.
8. When people forget where they come from, it hurts the people from their past very much, because they have cut these people out of their lives for their own convenience.
9. Work is a good excuse to get out of anything, including dates :)
10. I live and let live. I expect the same courtesy from people. If I am denied that courtesy, it's only a matter of time before I lash out. When I do, it's going to be ugly.
11. I had the most amazing spiritual experience at the Mahalingapuram Shiva Temple last evening. I went there with a friend. Thank God she took me there.
12. "I do not die because beneath this mask there is more than flesh. Beneath this mask there is an idea, Mr. Creedy, and ideas are bulletproof" - V as in V for Vendetta
13. "There are no perfect marriages, Naveen. There are only forgiving marriages" - My Mother
14. "I know you are here to kill me. Shoot, coward, you are only going to kill a man" - Che Guevara
15. It's amazing how people think Che was communist. The idiots.
16. "I, like God, do not play with dice and I don't believe in coincidences" - V again
17. Sex and Race, because they are easy, visible differences, have been the primary ways of organising human beings into superior and inferior groups and into the cheap labour on which this system still depends. I want to see a society in which there will be no roles other than those chosen, or those earned. What I am really talking about is Humanism
18. "Any new idea, is asked two questions. The first is asked when it’s weak: WHAT KIND OF AN IDEA ARE YOU? Are you the kind that compromises, does deals, accommodates itself to society, aims to find a niche, to survive; or are you the cursed, bloody-minded ramrod-backed type of damnfool notion that would rather break than sway with the breeze? The kind that will almost certainly, ninety-nine times out of a hundred, be smashed to bits; but the hundredth time, will change the world?" "What’s the second question?", Gibreel asked. "Answer the first one first" - My absolute favourite quote from Satanic Verses. I am the latter
19. "The very rich and the very poor make their own rules. The middle class suffers the evils of both sides." - My Grandfather
20. This day, mark it on your calendar. The Chinese Year of The Rat begins on February 8th. 1984, my birth year was also a Rat year. This year, something is going to change, and it's going to change monumentally. I can feel it. Call me stupid, but far too many signs are pointing to this year being MY year. Be Prepared.

Thennadudaya Sivane Pottri

Ok I am liking this concept of writing out a list of thoughts. Keeps me sane. Therefore, this is the next list.

1. Drumming gives me peace. I'm not exceptionally brilliant at it, but I'm good enough to be in a kick-ass band.
2. I want to spend an entire day sitting and staring at the ocean, marvelling at how it so beautifully mirrors life - calm, choppy, serene and sometimes scary.
3. I am giving up cigarettes as on Jan 2, 2008. Why Jan 2 because 31st night will extend into the first. Technicalities, you see
4. I still miss her. *sheepish grin*
5. I crash and burn very easily. Therefore, I shall not henceforth.
6. I wrote a short film in which there is a line that says "Love is not love until it's both ways" Now I see how stupid I was.
7. I always believed that love is not enough. I was wrong. If you love, the rest will fall into place.
8. Why am I such a sentimental moron.
9. Truth is, I wouldn't have it any other way.
10. Ilayaraja and MSV rule all.
11. My dream is to direct Rajnikanth before I die. Not before he dies - May he live forever.
12. Come to think of it, apart from the financial motivations, apart from the creative streaks, apart from my disdain for corporate life, apart from all that. Why I want so badly to make movies is because people told me I couldn't.
13. Damn I'm such a rebel.
14. Truth is, I wouldn't have it any other way.
15. I will not die before I own ENIL India, or at least sit on the board.
16. MundhiriPakkoda Productions is going to rock the world.
17. I suddenly came up with an alternate name - USP : Usual Suspects Productions. Let's see
18. I love her. I've always gotten over relationships rather easily. But I can't seem to get this one out of my head. That says something.
19....."whoever you are, or whatever it is that you do, when you really want something, it's because that desire originated in the soul of the universe. It's your mission on earth." ...."And when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to acheive it." - The Alchemist
20. Most people think Che was a fool. I think he's a God.
21. "At the risk of seeming ridiculous, let me say that the true revolutionary is guided by a great feeling of love.” - Che Guevara
22. I have learnt in the past two months that it takes more courage, more love, and more of a spine to clear the air with an old friend. Standing your ground and refusing to budge and rebuild a bridge you burnt is actually the spineless thing to do. It's a self-defense mechanism. It's not wrong, but it's not right either.
23. Nothing in life is worth getting a person you love or a person who loves you angry. Yes, I learn late, but I learn :)
24. I am happier than I was a couple of weeks back, and it is because I learnt this much in two months. Whatever had to happen happened because I needed to learn these things. About myself, about the woman I love, and about life in general. Now I need to act on them.
25. And so I set out, on my journey of action. Insha Allah, all will be fine. Actually, come to think of it, I know it will be fine.

Thennadudaya Sivane Pottri

I just want to rant. I've bottled up a lot of emotions in the past couple of months, and I'm venting now. No boys and girls, I'm not putting up some vulnerable post that people can all have coffee and gossip about, but this is just a list of random thoughts that come into my head, starting now. So here goes:

1. I hate hypocrisy
2. I don't appreciate being blamed for no fault of my own
3. I love my life either way
4. I miss Anjana Iyer
5. Lol, I feel this randomness is not going to last
6. I'm happy I made my stand clear today
7. I'm happy I had the balls to do it
8. I treasure my memories. Viciously so
9. Big FM had the best Rajnikanth birthday promo of all. It ruled
10. I relate to I am Legend - on many levels
11. It's scary what loneliness can do to you
12. Some choices are hard to make, but they have to be made. Pride-swallowing helps you make them
13. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - I don't know why I thought of that
14. Jim Carrey is a God in his own right.
15. God - Thennadudaya Sivane Pottri
16. Anbe Sivam should've been India's entry to the Oscars
17. I wish I could talk to her now
18. I hope she comes back to me
19. No, I'm not being vulnerable, you ignoramus
20. I've got to start writing down the stories I have in my head
21. Maybe that will make the voices go away, too
22. She looked so cute today. Pink looks good on her
23. This is the number of the day in May that she was born
24. Yeah, yeah, I think about her pretty much every waking second
25. I think I should end this with 26
26. Honestly speaking, the only question thus far in my infinitesimal blip of an existence that has given me any joy answering is this - Is she the one? My answer - Undoubtedly, unabashedly, definitely and unequivocally, YES. And somehow, knowing that makes me happy. I pray that she will share my joy soon

signing off,
N

Where Is That Girl? - a message for my Zephyr

Where is that girl, who used to clap her hands in joy at the thought of meeting me? Where is that girl, whose hair was all was required to make me stare in silence? Where is that girl whose hug could kill all pain, all sorrow, and bring joy to my heart? Where is that girl, for whom talking to me was an addiction, not a chore? Where is that girl, for whom I could gather the stars and hunt down the sun and moon? Where is that girl, who used to dig her head into my shoulder and say nothing, and didn't have to? Where is that girl who could force me into silence with nothing more than a touch? Where is that girl who is like the cool summer breeze, blown in from the sea? Where is my Zephyr? Wherever she is, I hope she is happy. That is all I've ever wanted for her.

As for me, I will live in her memory for as long as I am alive. In my heart, she is mine. And nobody will ever take her place. Ever. And Zephyr, you would not understand why I did the things I did, or said the things I said. Some day you might. Until then, I wait; my heart forever belonging to you.

Amen

Random Musings Again

Yeah, well I've been posting a lot recently about relationships, but that's because I've been thinking about them a lot. Part of it is my inherent interest in psychology, but I think it's mostly my irritating Virgo habit of having to know why we do the things we do. And today's topic isn't very different from my past random musings, but the take is slightly different, in the sense that I will not stick to a set agenda. I am going to write as it comes. So here goes:

How many times have we taken someone for granted, especially over someone whom we know for a much much shorter time? In case that didn't make sense, try this - all of us, when we were kids, were very close to someone, and then when a new kid joined school, we spent all our time with them. Is that wrong? No. But is it clever? No. It is very difficult coping with being ignored, or being traded for someone else. Believe me. I know. For example, someone very dear to me was coming back from out of town recently. This person, whom we shall refer to as "it" from now on was very upset when it landed, although I was on top of the moon because it was back. When I asked it why it was sad, it replied, "I'm missing my friends. I've lived with them for ten days, and so I miss them". That kind of hurt. No, who am I kidding? It hurt a lot. In my head I'm thinking, bloody hell man. These people in ten days have become more important to it than I? I knew in my head that it would not keep in touch with these people the way it swore it would. Surely enough, it hasn't. Observation - I hate it when I'm right.

Doesn't it irk you when loved ones make plans without doing you the least courtesy of at least telling you when the plans were in conception stage? Wouldn't it be nice if we were told, rather than informed? I think so. No complaints, but it just kind of hurts when you're taken for granted. But getting back, I hate it when people whom you've known for a long time choose someone new over you. I just hate it. It devalues and disrespects the entire concept of the relationship you and this person share. I mean, it's all very well when you've spent virtually no time with this person. I very simply mean, its all wonderful when you're in love. Those stolen meetings, those sweet nothings, those melting kisses, all that jazz. But marriage and living together, well that's a completely different ball game. Actually living with someone is the toughest thing you will ever have to do. Tolerating them despite their little idiosyncrasies is very very hard but remember, they do it to. So the next time you're about to judge someone who is slightly "off", think about the things you do. You'll be surprised that a lot of the things you do are not exactly what I'd call "on".

I've actually seen and heard people comparing their boyfriends/girlfriends to their new friend of the opposite sex. Many of them have wondered why their partners aren't like this new friend. Well, friend, that's because you know nothing about this new friend. Ultimately it might even be the fact that this new friend reminds you of the old friend you need to be appreciating that drew you to him/her.

I know I've kept digressing, but here's the deal. Ok, your new friends are amazing, they're out of the world, and we all wish we were like them. But we're not that bad either. Give us the attention we're used to and you'll find that we're not as bad as we seem to have become. The simplest analogy I can provide is this: When we visit friends of our parents, we think that they're so much cooler than our parents. We even wonder why our parents can't be like them. We don't realise two things. #1 - we dont know how uncle and aunty behave when we're NOT around. and #2 - our parents weren't always this boring. They got that way paying our bills.
So stop taking people for granted. Because if you do, almost everyone you know will post an entry like this one.

Cheers,
N

Raging Bull

Once there lived a raging bull
Who knew no semblance of fear
He fought for what he thought was right
And cared for the ones who were dear

Once there lived a raging bull
Whose hooves could till the earth
His bellow was as loud as a storm
And his charge was feared from birth

Once a cow met this raging bull
And everything changed forever
She calmed him down and taught him love
And peace flowed in him like a river

He no longer was the raging bull
That everyone knew him to be
He devoted his life to the cow he loved
They were happy as far as anyone could see

Every now and then our raging bull
Would buck and bellow and fight
But just one pat of the cow's tender touch
Would calm him down alright

And then, suddenly this raging bull
Was left without his better half
Where, oh where is that raging bull?
All I see now is a little calf

Zephyr

When I close my eyes I can see only her. Her smile, radiant as the sun. Her long, slender form envelops my being. I am happy when I think of her. Sad when I think of her. Angry when I think of her. Regretful when I think of her. Unknowing, unfeeling I walk on by, until the next time I close my eyes. Whenever I look at a place I've been before with her, a feeling comes over me that I cannot comprehend. I want to go inside and sit in the same place, praying with every fibre that Time consented to move backward for a while, so I could set things right. I want to go inside and sit in the same place and feel the warmth that was once mine own. That embrace which was once mine own, joyfully and freely given to me. That embrace which I have lost. That embrace that I crave, that I need. I wish to God I could never write, because I can write only in pain. I would gladly trade my writing in exchange for peace, for love. Her love. My own one, my Unknown, my Goddess. I see a red door and I want to paint it black. I see colours that have no place in a world where she loathes my very name. I see people happy, and their happiness enrages me. My face contorts in anger, and then subsides. Who am I to feel bad at their delight? They are luckier than I am, and I should thank God that they have that luxury. An ambulance passes, and I pray. I pray that whoever is inside has someone next to him or her who loves him or her. I was foolish, very foolish indeed to think that I deserved love. But, Oh Lord, doesn't even a wretch deserve forgiveness? Isn't there light at the end of every tunnel? Why is it that my light ends up to be a train that runs me over? I close my eyes again, and this time it is on purpose. Somehow I think that punishing myself with pain could somehow absolve my sins. It does not. It never does. I long to go to my great-grandmother - the one person from whom I had last tasted that kind of love - unconditional, non-expecting love. Then I pause to wonder - why am i upset? We are born alone, and we die alone. Nobody will go into my grave but me. When I came into existence and will go out of existence alone, why do I need someone in the interim? Why? The answer is simple. Because I love her. And I will. Always. Even if she does not. She comprises the elements that build my world. Earth, fire, Wind, water and sky. Time is supposed to heal. Why does it not, then? Even if the earth falls out of orbit, if the skies rain blood, if the waters turn into ash and the Wind stops moving, one thing in my world will not change. That one single constant. Her. Her alone. She alone remains in my world. She is my moonflower, my muse, my Zephyr. I was not born to die young, and so I will not end my life. Instead, I will live; live in the hope that someday she understands how deeply hurt I am, and utterly devastated I am that she decided to move away from me. I cannot forget that bond - the bond of love. I cannot. That bond that will forever be mine, and mine alone. That bond, which is like that of the eye and its iris. That bond, which I can never let go of. The simple, yet complicated; tender, yet painful; calm, yet stormy bond of Love.

I will always love you, and only you - my Zephyr

The Forbidden Fruit

He walks silently, with the grace of a doe
Briliance radiating through his silvery form
Admiring nature's wealth and beauty
Not knowing how he would soon be torn

He looked at the trees, naming them all
Cedar, Neem, Banyan and Teak
His joyous surrounding echoed his thought
As his bliss was at its very peak

Beauty and calm was the order of the day
In that divine Garden of love
Animals and birds, he named with delight
Tiger, Fox, Hawk and dove

A while later he craved a mate
Like all his faunic companions had
A mate who would love and take care of him
In whose embrace he could be glad

And so one was given and he took with glee
Like a child given its very first toy
A few months passed, and their love grew strong
And with it, so did their joy

And then it happened, it came to pass
That his instincts took over his love
His mate disowned him; even abhored him
Gone was that which came from Above

Empty and weary he travels the world
Looking for that which he lost
Mephistopheles had gathered his bounty
The Inferno had claimed its Faust

His soul was shattered, his mind was twisted
As he prayed to God above
Was he damned forever, cursed to never
Taste the Forbidden fruit of Love?