Requiem for a Friend long lost

When I needed you, you were there. Heck, you were there even when I didn't. I loved having you around. I loved being in your presence, basking in the warmth of you...of us. There was virtually nothing we couldn't accomplish...or so I thought. The fact is, I was insufferable. I had too many things going on in my life; too many choices too close together; and more importantly, too much to prove - and not in a good way. I know you might never understand this, but I did.

When people reach crossroads in life, they choose what they see as fit for themselves. They might extend that choice to include people on their priority lists. Sometimes, that list isn't filled right. I wanted to please the wrong people at the wrong time. I guess that's what we couldn't overcome - my need to be liked. My need to be universally liked. And this is the irony of life - not only wasn't I universally liked, but that stupid need cost me you. You and I were no longer us.

As time passed after we parted ways, we still kept floating in and out of each others' lives in varying capacities of acquaintance. But it was never the same was it? We weren't friends anymore. We were competitors of sorts at this point. We were out to prove to each other that we were better off without each other. We both went at it, didn't we? Like children in a mudfight. And then, everything ended.

You know it's a funny thing. No matter how intense the feeling; how seething the anger; how deep the sorrow; it all goes away given enough time. And that's what happened to us. We moved on with our lives. We moved into other lives. We were hurt again.We moved on again, and time, as always, ticked every tock and carried us forward. And so we remained, unwilling to make a connection. I tried. You know I tried. Alas, to no avail.

In the recent past, I have found myself changing. I have digged and seen parts of me that I prided in the past, but disgust me now. I cannot believe that I was the person who did and said those things - especially to you. Truth be told, I wish I were half the man then that I am now. And the irony is that even if I were, I cannot take back or change anything. I have accepted that. What I cannot bring myself to accept is that we are not friends. We can be.

Delve within, and you will see what I said is true. It does not matter what we did in the past. it does not matter who's fault it is. I know as well as you do the parts we both played in the fiasco of us. I am nobody to say anything about right or wrong. It would suffice to say that we both did what we thought was right at the time. I don't expect this to make anything right. If you see this, and I hope you do, all I want you to understand is that I wish you well, hope you get everything that is good and pure in this life, and feel nothing but a deep love for you. There is nothing I wish to change. Que Sera, Sera.

Love always,
N

If I had but an hour of love

If that be all that is given me

An hour of love upon this earth,
I would give my love to thee

"I Will Follow You Into The Dark"

This is a song by Death Cab for Cutie. Lovely lyrics. Read on

Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back

If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
'cause we'll hold each other soon
In the blackest of rooms

If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the No's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark

Entwined

When you held my hand
Our souls reached out
The stars threw spears
The tides refused to fall

I was your ace, you said
Tucked away in your sleeve
To be played at the right time
I lay in wait, alone, in vain

Days, weeks, months, years
All passed hidden in your sleeve
One day, along came a spider
The rain did not wash him away

Today I am left with nothing
Nothing but a memory
A memory of ten fingers
Entwined forever, in a hopeless wish

Behind Blue Eyes

Listened to this song after a long long time. Beautiful, moving song. Read on.


No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
And no one knows
What it's like to be hated
To be fated to telling only lies

[Chorus:]
But my dreams they aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free

No one knows what its like
To feel these feelings
Like i do, and i blame you!
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through

[Chorus]

No one knows what its like
To be mistreated, to be defeated
Behind blue eyes
No one knows how to say
That they're sorry and don't worry
I'm not telling lies

[Chorus]

No one knows what its like
To be the bad man, to be the sad man
Behind blue eyes.

And Fear Strikes Again

Welcome back Fear, my old friend
How I missed your pitiful company
I yearned for the times we locked our eyes
And partook of the pain that lay beneath

How I longed for the skies to darken
For acid rain to scar my skin
The purging of my mediocrity
Only possible when you come knocking

I crave the time when I was a stranger to you
When your ghastly tentacles hadn't gripped my soul
And damaged it forever; leaving it in shreds
Bleeding and stripped of all its pulchritude

I lie helpless, naked and cold
As the wind strikes my flesh, again and again
I lie hapless, naked and cold
Bearing you, Fear, a gift from my progenitor

A series of disjointed nonsensical limericks

There once lived a young boy
In whose life there was no joy
After much bawling
He found his calling
And dedicated his life to farming soy

There once lived a little jerk
Who fancied himself a turk
His opinions were too racial
Like a leper giving a facial
They just would never work

And on their travels they found
The Earth really was bloody round
They stood on the steeple
And watched all the people
And they dared not make a sound

They befriended a fiddler of yore
Who really was quite a bore
She was tarred and feathered
It left her oh so weathered
It became the stuff of lore

They traveled together as a trio
Arguing Kafka and singing Dio
The fiddler fancied the jerk
And the boy made it work
And they shortened her name to Cleo

And now we come to the end
Your ears to me did you lend
The trio lived happy
The jerk became a pappy
Even the boy found a girl to befriend
__________________________________________________________________

My apologies. The words just took shape. It was them damn aliens that made me do it.

N

The Sunlight In Her Hair

She sits in her corner, quiet, beautiful
Swathed in pink past compare
Singing to herself softly, sweetly
With the sunlight in her hair

She twirls in play a handful of locks
Her song lifted by her stare
Flashes of shapely feet I see
With the sunlight in her hair

Her song wavers a little bit
The notes quiver in the air
I rush forward to hold her
And the sunlight in her hair

Her song was a eulogy
Pure beauty, not simple fare
I kiss away the tears that shine
Like the sunlight in her hair

I place her feet on my lap
And caress the skin so fair
I stroke her face and try to catch
The sunlight in her hair

It doesn’t stay, the elusive sun
The skies are a red so rare
I ask the girl if she will be mine
And the sunlight in her hair